Life puts us in some difficult situations, huh? Sometimes the things we want most are nearly impossible to have. We can make plans and get all excited about them and then, when you least expect it, it's all gone. And then it's time to make new plans. I guess in a way, it's good to be kept on our toes - to let us know that hey, things can't always be how we want them to be but at the same time, it seems so unfair. I guess you reach a certain time in your life when all you want is stability and all you want is to know that things will be OK, that everything you've been working on will come to flourish in the end.
I don't mean to sound like little Miss Negative Nancy, though I know that at many times I do. What I mean is, that I get tired and hurt every time life throws a screw ball at me. I want to just be relaxed and 100% happy already. I know I have so many wonderful things ahead of me; I'm not ignorant to that but it seems like lately, life just wants me to work extra hard. And unfortunately, I am just extra tired right now.
Like the image above states, "she dreamed of paradise". This rings true for me almost every day. I feel like I'm entering a mid-life crisis stage at the age of almost 30. Isn't is in one's 40s that that's supposed to happen? Anyway, I guess when I was younger (and by that I mean 18, fresh out of high school) I felt that my 20s would be my "self-discovery stage" and that by the time I would turn 30, life would be all figured out and everything would be in its place. Well... ain't it the truth that my life is so not there, so not in its "place"? I mean, in a way I'm so happy that my plans didn't come into fruition. ha ha. I would be married with children right about now if that were the case. I guess what I mean is that in several aspects of my life, I feel like I am still just coming into myself, just now am I really figuring out so many things that I want for my life.
Just a few blog posts ago, I wrote about where I would want to move to once I graduate. Since then, I have given this so much thought. Turns out that I'm not so sure that I could move away from my nephew but then again, I'm not so sure that I will be 100% happy if I stayed here either. There are many other factors that I will not name here that affect this decision but what's important is that I'm feeling kind of caught between a rock and a hard place. I have plans. I have desires. I have dreams. Yet, they seem so far away right now.
Hopefully it'll all be like it's been in the past. Before you know it, you're there. And before you know it, you're going through yet another change. I just hope that when that moment is here, I am ready.
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