{via}

Ever since my grandmother passed away when I was 14, I have found death to be a very difficult thing for me to cope with. My grandmother's death was something I was unprepared for -- then again, I don't think anyone is every really prepared for the passing of a loved one. In my case, I was losing my second mother who raised me alongside my mother.

Yet, death is something that is completely unavoidable and I'm pretty sure it goes without say that I have had to lose many people in the past 15 years. And yes, every single time it was difficult, uncomfortable, and painful. I have found myself at a loss for words time and time again. There really isn't much one could say that would really comfort someone, except for "I'm here for you if you need me". Then, if they do need you, all you could really truly do is listen. I don't believe there are words in the English language that can ever really comfort someone in a time of loss.

On Thursday, someone very dear to my heart passed away. Though it was expected, it was still difficult. It was difficult when I found out it was a "possibility" that she would pass away. It was difficult when I saw her husband and her family that I've known since I was a child at the wake. It was difficult when I saw her body in the casket and I could barely recognize her face. It was even more difficult today when I saw the casket being placed underground.

Martica was a part of my life since I was 4 years old and knowing her was truly a blessing. I remember her big, bright smile the most and I will forever hold dear all the beautiful memories she gave me. Probably the strongest woman I have ever met in my life, battling a disease for over 20 years and doing so with the highest level of optimism and faith I have ever seen a human being possess. Martica was and is a true example of perseverance and positivity and a beautiful life filled with hope, faith, and love.

Today, as I stood at the funeral, I promised myself this: I will always remember that she is in a better place and I will allow that to give me tranquility. She was a Christian and I know that she was not afraid to die. Additionally, I promised myself that I will always try my very best to live a life that resembles hers, a life of perseverance and a life filled with love. Among her many beautiful qualities, those are the two that really shone through and were the qualities that made her life, and the lives of those around her, so beautiful.